


Not to me

by DwellInPossibilities



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fighting, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 13:44:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13548546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwellInPossibilities/pseuds/DwellInPossibilities
Summary: This isn't what he thought would happen.





	1. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't what he thought would happen.

“But why?” her voice strained with the effort to keep from yelling, “Why are you doing this?”

“How can you not see?” the reply came, tense and agitated. “What more must I do to show you?”

She watched as he turned, shoulders tense to make his way towards the door. Every step he took only served to wrap him in shadows, taking him further from the light. Yet still she didn’t understand anything that he had done in the last few months, letting the resistance escape from Mubos 3, directing them towards abandoned supplies, shielding them. The anger squirming under her skin, seeping into every fiber of her being until it became too much to handle, until “Just tell me!”

“It’s because I love you!” His faced angled towards her, frenzied eyes searching every inch of her face with a speed that left her feeling dizzy. ‘Why,’ the word echoed dolefully. ‘Why was it so difficult for her to just see.’ Trembling, leather clad hands clenched into fists at his sides as he reviewed everything he had done for her. He did all that he could -turning the First Order off of the trail every time they closed in on them, giving up the locations of bases that he pulled his men out of and left supplies behind, keeping them alive for months- but it wasn’t enough. Everything he did and she still couldn’t see.

His collection of thoughts was punctuated by a response so small he barely heard it. Turning to face her completely he could see it in the tilt of her head, lips tight and eyebrows furrowed over her beautiful, hazel eyes. Even confused she was still the most breathtaking thing he had ever laid eyes on. He would do anything for her, has done everything for her. 

“You...love me?” It was broken and unsure, tainted by every word uttered to tell her that he was a monster, unable to be saved,  _irredeemable._ Marred by every confession of worthlessness, she was a nobody, she was nothing. ‘I am nothing'.

“No, you’re not.” Warm hands encased her face, gentle bringing her eyes to meet his. The trembling of fingers did not cease as he slowly trailed them up her face, pushing hair behind her ear as he brought his forehead down to meet hers. “You have never been nothing to me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got bored in one of my classes and decided to write out some of the daydreams that I have. It is kind of an "unfinished thought" as I have no idea where to go with it after the "Never to me." This is my first attempt at writing any sort of fan-fiction, so if you have an comments or suggestions I would love to hear them. I am not sure if I will be writing a whole lot, but I may post a few things every so often.


	2. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was dead in the air with no way home.

The blast came out of nowhere. One moment floating in the hollow silence quiescence of space, in between the blissful lull of tranquility and the punitive reality that lies beyond it’s reach and the next: the punitive reality came hurtling in.

  
She couldn’t see where the TIE fighters had come from, dropping out of hyperspace and opening fire without a second’s breath in between. She panicked, having no one to man the gun, and prepped the hyperdrive to coordinates as far as she could possibly get. If she was quick enough, perhaps she could disappear before they realized what she was doing. Luck, it would seem, was not on her side. Not a moment before she made the jump to light speed the last bolt came, striking the Falcon right where Rey sat causing the panel to fritz and sputter. Her jump only lasted a few systems before the drive gave up and she was stranded in the vacuum between two star systems. The hyperdrive was dead.

  
While splitting from the Resistance sounded like a great idea earlier on, it looked as if it was anything but now. She should have known that sooner or later someone would find her. The Millennium Falcon wasn’t exactly the most inconspicuous ship in the galaxy, the fact that there were many ports that Rey couldn’t even get near without someone that Han had swindled shooting at her had told her as much. However, if those TIE fighters had managed to track her down, the rest of the Fleet couldn’t have been too far behind them.

  
“Damn it!” her hands collided with the nav system, compelling the system to spit back its’ own retort of angry beeps and whines. She pulled away quickly, muttering a half-felt apology under her breath as she pushed away from the chair and stalked down the corridor behind her. There had to be a way for her to fix this, there just had to be. If she could bypass the compressor when she had no more than a fantasies knowledge of the Falcon, surely now that she has been on it she could fix the hyperdrive. It couldn’t possibly be that difficult, could it? The disarray of her contemplation failed to alert her to familiar muted buzz that only barely breached her awareness, slowly taking over the back of her mind until she took another step forward- right into a very recognizable chest.

  
“Rey!” His voice sounded just the same as it had in the Throne Room back aboard the Supremacy what felt like years ago now but could only have been a few months. The deep tones of his voice were different, as if they were tainted in some way. A difference enough for Rey to snap her head up. His once calm and expressionless face was now coated with a poorly veiled panic that caused Rey to take a small step backwards, only making it a small space before the hold that helped to right her locked her in place. This was not the Ben – no – the Kylo Ren that she knew. For what reason did he look so frightened?

  
“Rey” he began again, “please tell me that you are with the Resistance. Tell me that you’re safe.” The hands wrapped around her upper arms tightened, as if he wished for nothing more than to pull her from where she stand and onto whatever star craft he currently commanded.

  
“Kylo” he recoiled as if stung, “I’m aboard the Falcon. Where else would I be?” She could not come to understand his panic. Why after all of this time, months of running and hiding from the First Order would be worried about her safety? Her answer only served to fuel his frenzied behavior, hands tightening to the point of bruising before being dropped.

  
“No,” he whispered, started back while the hands that once held her racked their fingers through the mass of unkept hair on his head. His faced only grew more haggard with worry and terror the longer observed her, seeing no trace of deceit on her face. ‘What is the point of lying’ she mused ‘if he could no doubt find the truth in the end?’

  
“Rey, you need to go.”

  
“Why would I need to go?” she bristled, rapidly growing tired of this new game that he seemed to want to play with her.

  
“Please Rey, you need to leave.” He pleaded with her, glassy and unseeing eyes darting all around yet seeing nothing. “You need to get as far away from the Falcon as you can.”

  
“And why would I do that? So you can just come on by and take the Falcon for yourself? So you can add it to the collection of things that you must destroy to kill your past, Kylo?” The name flew from her tongue as if it’s mere existence was poison.

  
“You don’t understand Rey, the Firs-“

  
“I understand enough” she cut him off.

  
“No, you don’t understand!” the cry came as if it was ripped from him. “They don’t mean to merely capture the Falcon and take its inhabitance as prisoners.” The distance between them vanished as he moved to cross it, hands searching out face and shoulder. The worn, soft leather of his gloves gliding across her cheek, a breath of a caress she wished for nothing more then to close her eyes and lean into. Slowly he lifted her face, coaxing her to meet his gaze, the frantic and terrified expression evident yet still in his eyes.

  
“If they find you Rey,” hesitant words came, as if speaking them would bring about disaster “they will kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is yet another day dream that I had and it could definitely be a scene from before Not To Me. I might end up having a connecting story line yet, but that might be a few dozen day dreams away. Again, all of your feedback is welcome and I hope you enjoy this second attempt at fan fiction.


End file.
